An inspired decision…
My friends, I have come to a decision, inspired by the example of Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. I want to play first base for the Atlanta Braves this coming season. My qualifications you ask?
1. I played baseball when I was in middle school
2. My dad and grandfather both played and coached baseball on some level
3. My grandfather actually played for the Washington Senators for a very short time.
Now, some of you may be thinking: ” But, he never talks about baseball…” That’s true. I can’t even name the current first baseman for the Braves. I never was one that gave even the slightest instant of interest in memorizing sports statistics or strategy… a fact that vexed my father greatly. I didn’t even collect baseball cards for any significant length of time. Still others may posit that I have only been to a combined total of 3 games in the last 10 seasons (all of which were paid for by someone else, by the way). So what? Mrs. Schlossberg is on video tape saying that her personality would not be well suited for a politician’s role… and according to the polling location records where she is listed, she hasn’t even VOTED in a recent election. That hardly speaks to a high level of qualification for the office of Senator. None of this, however, gives me the slightest pause. If her level of success in pursuing Hillary’s Senate seat is any indication, I should be sending out tickets on the first base line to all of my good friends by March. As you can see, I am just as qualified to start for the Braves as Caroline K. Schlossberg is to be a US Senator.